It’s okay to need a glass of wine sometimes
I say wine here, but it can be whatever makes you feel a little better, or makes you feel like you’re treating yourself. That’s something I’ve learned quite recently, actually, there’s only so much time you can be strong for before you need to take a break from being strong… What it means, really, is that you have to go easy on yourself, be indulgent, recognize when you’ve been strong, when you’ve done a lot already, and when it’s time to just breathe, and be gentle with yourself. That’s really important to me, because I don’t think you can keep on being strong if you don’t indulge and admit that you need a little something to refuel your strength.
The love you give always come back to you
That’s probably the most amazing thing I’ve learnt so far. I’m definitely not saying that you should give love and then expect something from it, what I mean, is that the love your give, to a brother, a friend, a stranger, ALWAYS ends up coming back your way, whether it’s a minute later, a week later, or year later. I’ve been aware of that for quite a while, but I only recently managed to put words on it… So give love, reach out to people who need help, even if you’re needing help yourself and that this person can’t do anything about it, just reach out, and then one day, you’ll be in a bad position, and you’ll see someone you’ve helped a while ago come back your way, and offer you a helping hand.
You have to be selfish sometimes
I learned that the hard way, and I think mostly because that’s something that I didn’t want to admit. I hate being selfish, I hate selfish people, and if I truly listened to myself, I would probably give my whole life away to make others happy… But it just doesn’t work that way. You can’t make people happy if you’re not taking care of yourself, and taking care of yourself sometime has to mean being selfish. And when you find yourself in this situation when someone you know and love needs help, and when you know that getting involved in this situation is going to destroy you in a way, then don’t. Choose yourself, choose to take care of yourself, choose to stay away from the things that destroy you, even when that means that you won’t be able to help a friend.
The worst thing that ever happened to you is only so because nothing worse ever happened
I know that it sounds wrong, but please let me explain. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be sad about the worst thing that ever happened to you, I’m just saying that as sad as it makes you feel, and as terrible as it is, there are still some things you are lucky about! I’ll give you an example here: when I was 9, my parents sat us (my brother & I) down for dinner one night and announced something that changed our lives forever, in an instant. 11 years later, I still consider this as the worst thing that ever happened to me, and my brother does too. It’s come back full force a couple months ago, and it left me completely shattered, and all I could do was cry and wonder how I was ever going to get out of it, and be happy again. And then I got a call from my brother, and we talked and talked, and there was one sentence he said that really struck me, and completely changed the way I looked at it. He said: “You know, Lucie, the only reason this is the biggest trauma of our lives is because nothing more terrible ever happened to us. We still have all of our grandparents, we’ve never lost a really close relative… We have amazing lives, so yes, this came and completely destroyed our calm and easy lives, but we should feel lucky that this affected us that much, because it wouldn’t have if we had have more terrible things to cry about instead.”
Forgive yourself, and be honest with yourself
I actually learnt that while fighting an eating disorder. The first few months were hell, because of course I couldn’t just do it overnight, and each time I would fail, I felt like a total failure. I think being honest with yourself and forgiving yourself just go together really… Because you can’t forgive yourself if you’re not being honest with yourself… It’s okay to mess up, make mistakes, a lot of them… All of this is perfectly fine, it’s part of growing up, it’s part of being a human being! But there’s no way in hell you can move forward if you’re still beating yourself up over past mistakes. It you regret doing something, it already means that you’ve thought about what you’ve done, and that you’ve taken a lesson from it. All that’s left to do is forgive yourself and be a better person!